God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
