hotel room ftw
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
