Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
