hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
