so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
