I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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