Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
