I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
