Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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