i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
