I can text with my tongue
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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