I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
