Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
