I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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