Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
