There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
