everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
