I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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