Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
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No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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