this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
