I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
