Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you win again, gameday.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
