is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
