i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
