what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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