im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
