We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
