she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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