I feel like abortions should bother me more
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
