told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He shit in the fireplace
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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