I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
