What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
