how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
