The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
