How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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