I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
