I feel like I'm in dance class right now
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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