So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
