im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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