My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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