He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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