hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
