Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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