Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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