This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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