true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
