Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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