im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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