At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
