ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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