i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
