the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
whose parrot is this?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
