She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
