I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
