I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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