Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
