Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
