it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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