garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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