i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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