it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
sarcasm needs its own font
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
