We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
