I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
